EDITORS NOTE: This submission is from a woman who has written previous columns about her experience of a marriage ending and the struggles that came with it including going on welfare. For the sake of anonymity she requests her column be signed simply, What’s a Girl To Do?.
For those of you who ready my first two articles, here is an update on my life.
It’s been close to a year and I am still grieving over the loss of my marriage, the way it ended and my dogs of course. I thought by now, I’d be less angry but it rears its ugly head at times least expected. It gives me a real 1, 2, 3-punch and when the anger subsides I am a little disconcerted about such rage. I don’t like it. It scares me and I don’t want to be a bitter woman. If I didn’t have my faith that would probably be my lot in life. Thank you God.
There is also a disease that comes with this trauma, which I was not prepared for. It is called loneliness. It is very, very painful. I feel so alone and I don’t know where I belong. I feel like I belong anywhere. I’ve no family here and not one really good friend I can call on if I need her. My closest “BFF” lives in Antigonish so we don’t get to see each other much and the other “BFF” I had lived in Halifax but we’ve had a falling out of sorts.
It is funny how I can spend the day and evening with lots of people around me and then come home to an empty apartment and feel so lonely all over again.
People keep telling me things will improve once I am working again or back in school, but when you’re in that space it seems to carry on forever. I am hypervigilante as to who I let into my life now and that probably adds to my being alone, but I really have to be careful for my own mental and physical health.
When I was married I felt alone and now that there are more people in my life I still feel that pit of emptiness in this world.
My advocate told me loneliness is a very difficult disease but I have to push through it to get to the better things that are coming my way. It’s true I believe God has a great plan for my life, but He will reveal it when I am ready. In the mean time I am happy for a seat in the Starting Point program this September to get some job skills under my belt and with my degree…well who knows?
What’s a Girl to Do?