A winning formula

What do you do if you're from Pictou County and hosting Midget girls' nationals and you're younger and maybe not as talented as some of the other fastball teams?
Quite simply, you put some grease in your game.
Girls are supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice (we all know how laughable that is, anyway - especially the third one), but not when you're trying to win a big championship.
Here are my five keys for the Stellarton Stingers, as they set out on their title quest this weekend.

Fashion Statement
#1: Take your hats, splash on some mud and leave them in the sun for a few days, to let the colour fade and the mud dry.
It will give the hats an old-school look - a nod to days of yore when ballplayers were mean and nasty, instead of the dainty, delicate creatures they are today (I'm not talking about girl ballplayers, I'm talking about A-Rod). It would be even better if you could put some blood on the hats, but don't hurt yourself on purpose just to add the effect - unless you really want that trophy.

Something To Chew On
#2: Wear the black goop beneath your eyes, and have some of the players take up chewing tobacco for a few days. Sure, it's probably worse than gnawing on a cow's cud after it lazed on an un-shovelled barn floor for a couple of hours, but this is about showing the other teams that you mean business.
Bonus points if the Stingers' leadoff hitter, in the very first game, neatly sprays some chewing tobacco across the plate when she gets in the batter's box. This, along with the beat-up hats and eye goop, gives an aura of toughness. Maybe the chewing tobacco will make you throw up on home plate and maybe it won't, but how badly do you want this championship?

Slide Work
#3: Line up in front of the bench before the game and sharpen your cleats (no spikes allowed) so that the other teams can see you. When sliding into a base, slide in cleats up - Ty Cobb used to, and he knew a thing or two about winning ball games. I don't think synthetic cleats are as intimidating as metal spikes, but it can't hurt to try.
Also, when trying to score on a close play at the plate, come in with your forearm high and leading - and see how the catcher responds to a semi-clothesline.
On the flip side (the following is a tactic I made up myself, back in Peewee), if you're an infielder or a catcher and an opponent is sliding in trying to break up a double play or score a run, the thing to do is jump in the air with both feet off the ground - appearing as if you're trying to avoid the collision - and then purposely bring your knee down on the baserunner's ribs.
To avoid getting thrown out of the game, make it look like an accident and pretend to show concern (not much, just a little) as she's gagging and choking, clutching in agony at her rib cage.
It'll make them think twice, the next time they want to slide in hard.

Another Side Of The Coin
#4. Bury a lucky penny somewhere under the playing surface, like the Crushers did at JBM Stadium prior to their Fred Page Cup victory in April (it would be a big help if you could borrow a goal judge from the Crushers and use him as an umpire for this tournament, but that may not be possible).

Pitching Fundamentals.
#5. First, when warming up before the game, show some wildness, like you don't know where the ball's going. Throw one or two hard ones back to the screen, a couple in the dirt, others a few high and wide.
It will plant a seed of fear in the heads of your opponents - I'm telling you, it works in every league.
Then we have the purpose pitch, the brush back - some call it chin music. Use it, and make it your friend. Let's be honest: if they play for a North Carolina university whose unfortunate team nickname is the Fighting Camels (as does a Markham Jaguars' player), they deserve to hit the deck anyway.

Kevin Adshade is sports editor with The News